I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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