I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
