I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
