Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
