So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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