Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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