Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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