If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
