youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
