ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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