Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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