Can Purell be used as lube?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
