those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
