Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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