I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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