Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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