Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
