I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
