At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize