There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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