Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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