I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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