Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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