The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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