I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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