ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
