I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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