you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
