I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Congratulations! We have a period
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