Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
