Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
