Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
