Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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