I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
