I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need to calm my uterus...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
