On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
