bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
