Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize