I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
