remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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