Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize