Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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