So drunk its hurt
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
