haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
