My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize