if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
