Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
