We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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