I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
