He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
