stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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