I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
