the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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