oh god the rape fog is back!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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