im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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