Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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