between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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