Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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