Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
