Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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