Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
