Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You were trust falling into bushes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
