Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
