I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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