i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
