he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize